My Theory of Spaces

Its a lazy Saturday morning today..... the maids have left, having done their jobs & wifey is not around - gone to Mumbai and only returning tomorrow.....

Its one of those rare "spaces" I get in my crowded life..... and I am feeling good :-)...... the cell phone has not rung since morning (if it has a life of its own, I am sure the poor guy looks forward to weekends too..... or perhaps if it has a paranoid personality, must be feeling ditched & neglected ?..... personally i think hes an over pampered guy - always hand carried, kept close to heart (in my shirt pocket)..... and never out of sight for the rest of the day)..... whenever it is that i retire (i hope by 40).... i make a promise to myself not to carry a cell around. Is that possible ?.... Dad says YES...:-)

Coming back to "spaces"..... back in college, the days i was wooing my wife - i still held onto my concept of needing my own space - until the day i got a sermon on what it means to being a couple from madam wife. I was not too convinced, but since there were bigger priorities at that time, i decided to lose that argument. Sometime back, I felt so vindicated when I was reading Kahlil Gibran who said :

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

I bookmarked it - and went back to my wife with it. Now, my wife & I - we are as different from each other as chalk and cheese. She went berserk laughing at the "winds of heaven" dancing between us - and the "moving sea" ...... the rest of that week, i had to hear out a lot about the different kinds of winds calling out to me. Bad idea. But good learning : When you are trying to convince someone, speak the language the person appreciates.

And then there was this other time when I got into one of my compulsive moods to change the layout of everything at home. After a few hours work - as we looked at the final product again, I said : "Now, thats so cool, I love these spaces".... slightly stressing on the last word. I got a patented "look" reserved for our maids during bad-behaviour time. And then I heard a sermon on how I had conned her into not buying anything for the house under the guise of minimalism. (For the record - I genuinely love minimalism). Thank God we were not in Jaipur that day I thought - else half our house would have had Rajasthani folk items hanging around everywhere - and perhaps even our sofa would have made way for a more ethnic (read RED, full of beads & glasses) pillows & bedding arrangement on the floor. Again, bad idea. Big mouth. But good learning : Don't try to be smart - around sensitive topics.

One of my traits - that has helped me in my professional life i think, is that I am tenacious. I don't give up so easily. So, it was one of those days when both of us were in a really really good mood, we were driving up to Almora - and I thought I should try again. But this time instead of tongue-in-cheek smartness or philosophy, I thought I will use logic. "You know the difference between India & Singapore ?" I asked rhetorically. "Too many people here". "Too much density". "Just look while we are driving - how nice it is to have so much of a gap between the vehicle in front". "You know - even in music, its the gaps, the silence between two strings - that makes the difference"....."Yep" she said - "Good progress" I thought. "Even in language - just imagine what would have happened if there were no commas or full stops"..... just then my experienced eye thought I caught the beginning or hint of a smile curving up her lips. "So", she said, "Should we turn off the music, so that we have some..... spaces ?"..... my early warning systems went off : the ruse had been detected. "If the enemy detects your advance - chances of winning low" says old chinese saying. I was far too experienced a husband to fall for this one. This time, bad luck. Topic change. But good learning : There are some arguments that you can never win. And there are some people you can never convince over a particular issue.

There is this anecdote about a Chinese Master that comes to mind. As he was walking up a path, there was a raging bull in his way. Everyone around thought he would use his mastery to tame the bull. The Master however walked around the bull - and went on. The point is, I think : Very often, its not really important to win an argument or get our point of view accepted.

Today I have my "space".... and I will enjoy it & live it when I have it. I will update my blogs, I will pamper myself at the saloon, I will get a Shiatsu done, I will go for a long walk in the evening. I will enjoy the silence.

Just a disclaimer - and something I have learnt from experience : Spaces are critical to have - but too much of spaces, makes a wall look bare, makes music into one of those foreign orchestras (where you are not sure when to begin clapping), makes a city look like Dubai (empty & desolate at times), makes for bad sentences - and makes relationships unbearably lonely.

Our Times

I try and not just put in forwards out here.... but once in a while, there comes a "forward" that makes me stop and think - and thats when I think, I need to put it up here and share it with all. This is an article attributed to George Carlin, a comedian in the 70s & 80s. I sent the same one to my wife - and she replied with 3 words : "Practice Practice Practice" :-)

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less....

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete

Remember : spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.