Life In Transition

There was this course that I did a few years back with the Art of Living in Bangalore. As a part of that, there was an exercise where two people would sit facing each other - and one would ask the other : Who are you ?..... the other would reply.... to which the first person again asks : who are you ?.... reply again.... and once again the question repeats : Who are you ?...... and so the question kept repeating on and on......

It was a very interesting and revealing exercise, because it got you thinking about different identities, your different realities, till you came to a point of wonder thinking.... who AM I afterall ? Am I this body ? Am I the relationships I have ? Am I the job that I do ? Am I the position that I hold in my profession ? Am I my thoughts ? Am I my feelings ? Am I my deepest fears ? Am I my biggest hopes ?

But the point of this article is not to get into that discussion. It just occurred to me - now that I am in this fallow period between two professions - that we tend to identify ourselves so deeply with the circumstances of our lives.... with the labels and tags we carry. Till the end of June, I was Arun Rao, "Country Manager PC business" for hp. From the first of July, when I was no longer that "tag" - for a little while, I lost myself. Monday mornings I would involuntarily look at my watch at 10:30a.m - the weekly CSU call with AP region - 2pm, the thought would flash that its Prayer time - weekly sub-region call and 4pm involuntarily again, the thought of the ALT meeting would flash past. Its said that shell-fish, often continue to open and close their shells on the tide schedule of their old home waters, even when they have been transplanted to the laboratory tank or the restaurant kitchen. Humans are really not that different afterall !!... I kept finding myself coming back in new ways to old patterns - the activities and patterns that made me, "me" !! Whether its by our choice or by chance.... endings are always difficult - and more so transitions.

But its been 3 weeks now, since I moved on from hp - and slowly, am beginning to find myself again. I spent a great 10 days in Bangalore with Dad & Mom.... with no incessant cell phone ringing, meeting lot of old friends over beer and lunches and just relaxing. There are a lot of things that I have found time for after a long long time, like :

1) Starting a book and finishing it cover to cover in one go

2) Talking long into the night and then the next day again with Dad and Mom

3) Catching up with a lot of old friends, who I always wanted to catch up with, "sometime again"

4) Just sleeping long into the day and having brunch on a weekday

5) Visiting malls on a weekday

6) Sitting on my balcony enjoying the breeze and doing nothing

7) Catching up with Calvin, Hobbes, Asterix & Obelix again

If you think about it, all of nature actually works in a certain rhythm. Waves in the ocean gather themselves in silence after a huge surge, before beginning again towards the next crest. The leaf fall of Autumn is followed by winter - and then the green shoots appear again from the dry brown wood. Or think about how a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. Life more often than not, grows in the silences. The order of things in human affairs is not far different from that in nature. Interestingly in many older cultures, there is a formalized pattern for individual growth - often referred to as "rites of passage". The individual when deemed ready is taken out of the society he is a part of and sent for periods of isolation and introspection to the forests. The key idea being that he "dis-identifies" his older identity, since the old identity is seen to stand in the way of transition and transformation and self renewal. Then in ritualised ways, he is slowly rehabilitated into the same society with a new identity. There is an interesting quote from the amazing book by William bridges : "Making Sense Of Lifes Changes", where he quotes a wisecrack he picked up from a signpost in a bar. It read : "I ain't what I ought to be", "and I ain't what I am going to be. But I ain't what I was." Somehow, I relate to that wisecrack right now.

Less than two weeks to go before I start a new journey. Am not thinking too far ahead as yet .... one step at a time, one day at a time, I tell myself. I look around me and I really appreciate how lucky I am to get a chance to get a break like this. So, while it lasts, I am determined to make the most of it. Afterall, as a zen saying goes : After enlightenment, the laundry.

Just for the butterflies !!

For years now - I have been in the adrenalin pumping rush of an industry - which is like being on an ever speeding treadmill. Michael Dell made the famous statement about the IT hardware industry which is so true - that you have a nano-second to celebrate your achievements here - before you move on, to the next month - to the next quarter. Its an addictive industry if you love technology which changes at the pace of Moores law. What is cutting edge - becomes dated within a quarter, and EoL (end of life) in approximately 6 months time. One of the best descriptions I have heard for this industry though, came from one of my ex-bosses, who said : "We are actually in the business of selling fish". There are just about two key suppliers here (Intel & Microsoft) who control the prices, hence bag most of the margins in the industry. For the rest of the vendors, its a business where throughput is key. Your "fish" needs to sell fast - sometimes at "whatever" price. Else, it begins to stink. What this means is every vendor is forever on his toes. This is the charm of the IT hardware industry - constant learning, the allure of new technologies, speed & the thrill of having the proverbial Damocles sword hanging at all times. The challenge is : quarter on quarter - can you deliver relentlessly on revenue, margins and marketshares ?..... if you can, you are king - if you cannot, shrug and try again - the nano-second has passed - you are in the next quarter already !!

Many close friends - genuinely worried that I may be making a mistake - have been asking me : why then have I chosen to leave this heady rush ? .... especially when I am known to be a confirmed addict ? The truest answer is that : Everyone hears and moves to a different drummer. I have always had this voice inside, telling me to stake out on my own - be my own boss - and move in more creative directions. For long now - I have hushed that whisper - but one learns, through experience that the voice we hear - the hunches - the gut feel - is Life nudging us in directions, where hidden paths open where we thought none existed. When we do the same thing for years - we reach a level of competence (or incompetence) where we become smug about our capabilities, where we are at peace with ourselves - where we lose the butterflies in our stomachs !! Thats when, if we hear close enough - one can hear Life telling - move on sonny, get the garden back !!

The most beautiful things - the events that taught me the most, the incidents that have benefitted me the most, have always happened when the butterflies have been flitting around in amusement in my stomach. To think back in time :
1) The first time I tried speaking on stage
2) The time when I took my first car from the showroom, without knowing to drive perfectly
3) The first time I had gingerly said "I love you" to a girl
4) The one time I asked "Will you marry me ?" to a girl (this was a mega butterfly party !!)
5) The time when I stood for President of the Literary club in college
6) The numerous occasions when I had to do "cold calls" in my first sales job
7) Taking up the job of defining and starting from scratch : "Client virtualization"

I guess there are many more.... but the point really is : Its important to be slightly insecure & off-kilter in life. Its important to move out of our defined comfort zones and challenge ourselves. But most importantly, its important to stop and hear what Life is nudging us towards.

Paulo Coelho, the philosopher writer says in his book, "The Pilgrimage" :
1) The first indication that we are killing our dreams is lack of time.
2) The second indication of the death of our dreams is certainty.
3) The third indication that our dreams are dead is peace. Life becomes one long Sunday afternoon if we do not ask great things of ourselves and do not demand more of ourselves than we can give. We are, in short, refusing to fight for our dreams.

The story for me does not stop here. Infact it just begins. What I have learnt in the short time since I have put in my papers and conclusively in my mind decided to move on in a certain direction is that, life moves magically to help you. A whole new world, with different people and different vistas has opened up. In the last one month I have suddenly chanced upon so many interestng people, doing so many - different - interesting things. I have also suddenly discovered so many people whom I have known for long - doing very different pursuits on the side. Its almost like Life encouraging me again : "Move on sonny - there are many more like you - pursuing off-beat tracks".

I conclude with a beautiful passage from Richard Bachs book, "The bridge across Forever" - it goes like this : "Whatever enchants also guides and protects. Passionately obsessed by anything we love - sailboats, airplanes, ideas - an avalanche of magic flattens the way ahead, levels rules, reasons, dissents, bears us with it over chasms, fears, doubts. Without the power of that love, we're boats becalmed on seas of boredom, and those, are deadly".

We have one life to live - why not live it, with the butterflies always ?

When Two Become One

Was at home today - having taken a break from office - and was sifting through some old diaries. I had this habit in college, where I used to jot down any beautiful piece of writing that I came across, which touched me in some way. No blogs those days, so personal diaries were the only mode. Over the years theres one advise from the Bible that I have found to be particularly useful. Its from Phillipians 2:3 and it says : "Fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise : things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and honourable". So, heres sharing with all of you a beautiful poem that I once came across :

Two shadows on grass,
Elongated, growing,
Walking together,
Through meadows of green;
My shoulders much broader,
Your figure much slimmer,
Two shadows together,
With sunlight between.
How far the horizon,
Violet with shadows,
As the sun drops behind us,
In a welter of gold.
My arms on your shoulder,
Pulling you closer,
Making one shadow,
When twilight takes hold.

God in indulgence

Last week we took a break from our hectic schedules - to do a road trip, by car - to Narkhanda - Thanedar - Chail and back. Far from the maddening crowd, in the silence of the hills - if you keep still enough, you can hear God whispering in the winds. I guess God thinks like a business man - for while he has hectic cities, pirate filled seas & regions of human turmoil like Afghanistan and Pakistan on one hand - he definitely needs to have places like Narkanda to balance out his portfolio. In the deep silences - and the conversations of the non-human world, the soul of the world recuperates - God lies back and enjoys the play and little humans like me find our moorings again.

The wind whistled a tune,

Which the Pine caught on,

And soon across the valley,

A lilting chorus broke out.

The birds joined the melody,

A distant cow added its notes.

In excitement, a few mongrels barked,

And in symphony, a radio switched on.

The blushing sun, now in raptures,

Slipped behind her veils,

While the hills stood tall in applause,

Cheering another glorious day.

Up above, an indulgent Father,

Overlooks the joyful play.

Of His children in gay abandon,

Under His watchful eye.

New beginnings

Its always a difficult decision to change course in a career - especially when you are doing well in a job, in a role and in a company. Most of my friends think its crazy for me to be leaving my job at a time when the economy is also limping. But what does one do when he hears a different drummer ? I saw a cartoon recently where one cat is telling another : "I could have done so much more with my life, if I had not focussed all my energies in tearing up the sofa" !! Because I was really good at my job, I perhaps got stuck to it for too long too .... but always - better late than never. As much as I love hp - it does feel lighter to be free of my "job".... that even though, I do not have another "sofa" in hand .... my wife, she has started calling me a "maverick" - i take it in as a compliment and feel better about myself and my world.....

Two plus two makes four my boy,
"Walk along the straight line".
Dont dare turn left, when we say right,
Fall in line, obey, comply.

March on, look right ahead,
Stomp your foot - straight in line.
Up goes the hand, that chin up too,
Not a thought from you - Robot man.

This is your world - one size for all,
Everyones a bottle of coke.
Same size, same shape, standardise,
Same thoughts, no voice - you realise ?

ok heres the dare :
First fall out of line,
Walk zig zag - hop skip and then jump.
Now take that lane, yes that off beat one,
Go on - walk on - explore.

Out at the other end now,
What did you see ?
What did you learn ?
What did you uncover ?

Its not the "what" thats important,
But the fact that you "did",
Just listen to your own drummer my friend,
For the music always tops the coke !!

One Moment In Time

Give me one moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams Are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel, I will feel eternity

Ships they say are safest in the harbour - but thats not what ships are made for. Call it madness, call it hope, call it a leap of faith - I don't want to be, at the end of my life be thinking, "what if...".

I need that one moment in time.

Why Kosi plays ?

Kosi changed her mind last week,
Taking a right turn, on a whim,
A little way up on her way down from Nepal,
Jumping over banks she earlier caressed.

Down she rushed in gay abandon,
Taking in her way all alongwith,
Roaring along, with the mixed sounds,
Of screams, tears and lives.

For Kosi - its a whimsical play,
But the people, its her anger they say,
And so they light lamps, offer prayers,
To get her to go back to her normal ways !

Who has understood why rivers change course ?
Or why the earth quakes when it does ?
Who has understood the changing moods ?
Of nature in her whimsical play ?

Everyday Humour

I had gone down to Lucknow on Friday for launching a new product in our desktop lineup. Its an interesting new desktop and within our channel community, the codename it carries : "Puppy PC" has become extremely popular.

After the launch, while discussing with partners, there was an amusing incident. One of my distributors walked up to me to say how his sales of Puppy PC was stuttering, whereas another distributor was garnering all the sales. (He had sold 20 odd units as against 200+ that the other distributor had sold). "But whats the issue ?", I asked him - "Why don't you approach more resellers and push harder ?"..... "No sir.... its not like that" he said...."You see the other distributor has got a girl who is in charge of pushing this product. So whats happening is that all resellers are enjoying calling her up to say (in Hindi)... Dho Puppy chahiye... bhej dena" (For those of you who don't understand Hindi - The word "pappi" in hindi means a smooch). Incredulous as it sounded - I checked this out later with others and apparently - it was true !!

Well I really am not a MCP - but that did make me smile. Also made me think later, as I was flying back home to Delhi - as Indians, is it that we are sexist or is it that we have a peculiar sense of humour that plays out in real life ?

Bombs Can't See

So many bombs,
Popping up like crackers.
Here a bomb,
There a bomb,
Delhi, Kanpur & Hyderabad.

Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Surat,
Scattering people, limbs, cycles.
Regardless of faith,
Hindu, Muslim or Christian,
A bomb doesn't differentiate,
A bomb can't see.

Its terror unleashed they say,
But whats to fear ?
A mad mans world view ?
An impotent brain ?
That builds a bomb in 6-easy-steps ?
Just to fright & delight ?

No way, you cowards - that ain't us !!
Where the mind is without fear,
And the head is held high,
In that heaven of freedom,
We will ever be awake.

What Can't I ?

I believe I can fly,
I believe I can touch the sky.
I believe I can.
I believe.
I can.

Deja Vu

Its May day today.... wifey is travelling to China.....and so I ended up spending my day with the "Messiahs handbook" by Richard Bach. A beautiful insightful book it is.... and for any of you fellow travellers happening to pass by and read this blog - go buy this book today. It will elevate your soul. A wonderful passage that I just read there :

From time to time its fun to close your eyes, and in the dark say to yourself, "I am the sorcerer, and when I open my eyes, I shall see a world that I have created, and for which I and only I am completely responsible." Slowly then, eyelids open like curtains lifting stage-center.

And sure enough, theres your world, just the way you built it.

Got me thinking .... and as it so often happens when you are thinking on a lazy holiday at home... went off on a tangent thinking of the so many times that I have had this feeling of Deja Vu.... seeing a total stranger passing by - when for just a moment in time, the eyes lock. What if me the sorcerer had chosen a different reality ? So many paths - one life to live - too short a time to live it all, to explore it all, isn't it ?

Deja Vu
Do I know you ?
When our eyes met,
Did it feel so true ?

Hey there stranger,
In another lifetime,
Where we together ?
Me and you ?

Like ships at sea,
Passing each other by,
Having in some harbour afar,
Docked side by side ?

So many ships,
So many strangers,
From another time, another place,
Deja Vu ...... its the soul remembering you.

Slow Dance

A close acquaintance of mine is down with cancer of the bone marrow. I visited him last week - and in the course of our talking, he said - somewhat wistfully - "I was too busy in my life. I wish had made more time to meet up & spend time..." he trailed away. I did not ask further. And then this week at work, a friend from the U.S, sent me a poem apparently written by a teenager in a New York hospital, terminally ill with cancer. Its called Slow Dance - and its one of the most touching poems I have come across. As Paulo Coelho says - there is nothing called co-incidence, what looks like a co-incidence is very often the soul of the universe giving us a message. Read on...

Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask how are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time to call and say,'Hi'

You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Walk Out Of The House of Mirrors Baby

A chirpy, bubbly - little girl,
Alive as one could be,
Chanced upon a strapping lad,
Her Prince Charming he would be.

Seven steps around the holy fire,
And off they zipped away.
Across seven oceans they went,
To a land far far away.

Everything in good time, they say.
And love - like eggs, needs time to hatch.
A small seed will a giant acorn be one day,
Given everything else does match.

What happened in that land far away ?
No time there was to question.
Nor why nor how the dreams lay shattered,
Of "Happily Ever After" as they say.

Lost in a House of Mirrors now,
The little girl stands confused.
Whats real and whats unreal - she knows not,
Who is friend and Who is a foe ?

The demons in the mirrors - Are all shadows little girl,
The world is not so scary.
A wrong turn in the woods - Thats all it is,
And not a land turned black, that you have to be wary.

Every night, a morning brings,
And its darkest before day break.
Hang on, for surely - tomorrow the sun will be out,
And you will bask in the sunshine once more.

A chirpy, bubbly - little girl,
Alive as one could be,
Will chance upon a strapping lad,
And her Prince Charming he will be.

My Theory of Spaces

Its a lazy Saturday morning today..... the maids have left, having done their jobs & wifey is not around - gone to Mumbai and only returning tomorrow.....

Its one of those rare "spaces" I get in my crowded life..... and I am feeling good :-)...... the cell phone has not rung since morning (if it has a life of its own, I am sure the poor guy looks forward to weekends too..... or perhaps if it has a paranoid personality, must be feeling ditched & neglected ?..... personally i think hes an over pampered guy - always hand carried, kept close to heart (in my shirt pocket)..... and never out of sight for the rest of the day)..... whenever it is that i retire (i hope by 40).... i make a promise to myself not to carry a cell around. Is that possible ?.... Dad says YES...:-)

Coming back to "spaces"..... back in college, the days i was wooing my wife - i still held onto my concept of needing my own space - until the day i got a sermon on what it means to being a couple from madam wife. I was not too convinced, but since there were bigger priorities at that time, i decided to lose that argument. Sometime back, I felt so vindicated when I was reading Kahlil Gibran who said :

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

I bookmarked it - and went back to my wife with it. Now, my wife & I - we are as different from each other as chalk and cheese. She went berserk laughing at the "winds of heaven" dancing between us - and the "moving sea" ...... the rest of that week, i had to hear out a lot about the different kinds of winds calling out to me. Bad idea. But good learning : When you are trying to convince someone, speak the language the person appreciates.

And then there was this other time when I got into one of my compulsive moods to change the layout of everything at home. After a few hours work - as we looked at the final product again, I said : "Now, thats so cool, I love these spaces".... slightly stressing on the last word. I got a patented "look" reserved for our maids during bad-behaviour time. And then I heard a sermon on how I had conned her into not buying anything for the house under the guise of minimalism. (For the record - I genuinely love minimalism). Thank God we were not in Jaipur that day I thought - else half our house would have had Rajasthani folk items hanging around everywhere - and perhaps even our sofa would have made way for a more ethnic (read RED, full of beads & glasses) pillows & bedding arrangement on the floor. Again, bad idea. Big mouth. But good learning : Don't try to be smart - around sensitive topics.

One of my traits - that has helped me in my professional life i think, is that I am tenacious. I don't give up so easily. So, it was one of those days when both of us were in a really really good mood, we were driving up to Almora - and I thought I should try again. But this time instead of tongue-in-cheek smartness or philosophy, I thought I will use logic. "You know the difference between India & Singapore ?" I asked rhetorically. "Too many people here". "Too much density". "Just look while we are driving - how nice it is to have so much of a gap between the vehicle in front". "You know - even in music, its the gaps, the silence between two strings - that makes the difference"....."Yep" she said - "Good progress" I thought. "Even in language - just imagine what would have happened if there were no commas or full stops"..... just then my experienced eye thought I caught the beginning or hint of a smile curving up her lips. "So", she said, "Should we turn off the music, so that we have some..... spaces ?"..... my early warning systems went off : the ruse had been detected. "If the enemy detects your advance - chances of winning low" says old chinese saying. I was far too experienced a husband to fall for this one. This time, bad luck. Topic change. But good learning : There are some arguments that you can never win. And there are some people you can never convince over a particular issue.

There is this anecdote about a Chinese Master that comes to mind. As he was walking up a path, there was a raging bull in his way. Everyone around thought he would use his mastery to tame the bull. The Master however walked around the bull - and went on. The point is, I think : Very often, its not really important to win an argument or get our point of view accepted.

Today I have my "space".... and I will enjoy it & live it when I have it. I will update my blogs, I will pamper myself at the saloon, I will get a Shiatsu done, I will go for a long walk in the evening. I will enjoy the silence.

Just a disclaimer - and something I have learnt from experience : Spaces are critical to have - but too much of spaces, makes a wall look bare, makes music into one of those foreign orchestras (where you are not sure when to begin clapping), makes a city look like Dubai (empty & desolate at times), makes for bad sentences - and makes relationships unbearably lonely.

Our Times

I try and not just put in forwards out here.... but once in a while, there comes a "forward" that makes me stop and think - and thats when I think, I need to put it up here and share it with all. This is an article attributed to George Carlin, a comedian in the 70s & 80s. I sent the same one to my wife - and she replied with 3 words : "Practice Practice Practice" :-)

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less....

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete

Remember : spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Coffee or Cup ?

I got the below article as a forward from a friend..... it is said that the biggest truths often come in the simplest forms..... like Einsteins E=mc2. Just read on..... and do ponder over it..... Keep It Simple Stupid, is a golden rule that unfailingly works.

"The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect."

A group of graduates, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the simple and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. Then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this:

Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. Enjoy your coffee!"

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

· Live simply
· Love generously
· Care deeply
· Speak kindly
· Leave the rest to God.

You are the miracle, my friend; your life either shines a light or casts a shadow!

Shine a light and enjoy the coffee.

Leap - and have faith

Life is full of choices. And ever so often, we land up at a decision fork..... and rarely, are the choices very obvious. I remember reading somewhere in MBA school about the concept of limited knowledge. A manager at any given point never has the universe of data to enable him to take the "perfectly right" decision. Thats pretty much true for everyone in life situations too. How then do we arrive on the "right decision" ?..... Just think about it - what is a "right decision" ? Like its said about the butterfly effect, a small change in starting conditions can result in wildly different endpoint conditions - but as humans, how should we know what the different end points could be ? I really don't think there can be a "right" decision. At a given point in time, using the mix of emotions, circumstances and all knowledge we have - we can only take our best shot. But having done that, there is only one way to make the decision - "right". And that is by passionately, obsessively and fanatically believing - that the path we have chosen is THE right path. Enough freedom fighters believing like this, bought us independence. A handful of scientists believing in this, put man on the moon. Ultimately, I think - every decision is really - a leap of faith, backed by an unquestioning mind.

What is it that really matters ?
To do interesting things or,
To do important things ?

Which path is it that is right ?
The one leading through the heart or,
The one lighted up by the mind ?

Whats the greater good to follow ?
Individual thought & wish or,
The collective wisdom of people around ?

Dare we turn left ?
Where we have been told to turn right ?
Or should we continue straight ahead instead ?

This or That ?
Which road to take ?
It really doesn't matter, I think,
Beyond the point of the fork in the road.

To take any of the roads - and then move on,
To believe, to be obsessed and lost to the world,
To back the faith with toil and love,
And to see just one road beyond the fork.

That I believe is the right way to go.

Whats a miracle afterall ?

The little boy,
Wearing silver sunlight,
Soon realises the time is past.

How long do you clasp onto a beautiful dream ?
When its tearing away at you, all the time.
How do you undo whats already done ?
How do you turn the clock, back in time ?

Are there really miracles ?
Or are they just mirages turned inside out ?
Every dream - just a cotton cloud,
Ours to own, till the expiry date ?

What do you do,
When a dream turns sour ?
What do you do,
When what you take for a miracle,
Turns out to be a mirage afterall ?

Lost in thoughts

Vast spaces in my mind,
Where I walk around from time to time.
At times meeting friends, at times old thoughts,
So old at times that they are a part of me,
Just the fleeting second of recognition, deja vu
And then gone again - lost in the spaces
Are we static - with moving thoughts ?
Or are we moving on - in a world of static thoughts ?

Its a world of imprints I think,
Every thought, sight and smell,
Maybe inconsequential, important or in passing,
But imprinted for life - all the same.
In some vast mindpsace - another world ?
Waiting to be revisited, relived and passed again.
Ours is to choose the worlds we live in,
And ours is to choose the world we create for us.

The Age Of Miracles - Its Not Past

My younger sis - Poorni - finally got engaged last month. I say finally, because by traditional Indian standards - at 28, she is considered "late" for marriage. But who is to say what late is - to each his own and I really respect her for the clear headed thinking she had - that she would get married ONLY to a certain kind of guy, and if a guy did not match her standards - too bad for him. THE ONLY reason we in the family where getting a bit jittery was due to the unique combination needed to pass her "qualification criteria". The guy needed to be into trekking (that rules out 95% of all males in India), also needed to be into music (thats another 3% ruled out), also needed to be a software engineer (there goes another 1%) and then ofcourse - needed to be smart, sauve, level-headed, caring .... which perhaps left 0.0001% of the guys in the reckoning. The challenge for us was to find that guy !!!

I am a sucker for miracles - and this for me is nothing short of one. I am still to come to terms with the fact that she did manage to find someone matching every one of these criteria !!!

Got me thinking - that miracles, magic. love - they still happen & will continue to too. Thats perhaps what keeps the world going. In a world where people are perhaps getting increasingly cynical - to look at a young couple just going to get into holy matrimony, is looking at hope in this world. Poorni - I believe - is on the phone to the US with Amar - for hours at a stretch now-a-days. Am so happy for her. Its the hope & belief of two people - who think that their marriage will be the best one yet. That they together will find a world beyond the rainbows - thats full of magic, marigold, fun and warmth. I do hope they find that world.... but along the way, I do hope they also learn that much of that magic is created by them - and that they need to work on it everyday, so that the magic dust never ever settles down.

Reminds me of a beautiful piece of writing that Richard Bach had written.....

We think, sometimes, theres not a dragon left. Not one brave knight, not a single princess gliding through secret forests, enchanting deer and butterflies with her smile.

We think sometimes, that ours is an age past frontiers, past adventures. Destiny, its way over the horizon; glowing shadows galloped past long ago and gone.

What a pleasure to be wrong. Princesses, knights, enchantments and dragons, mystery and adventure....not only are they here and now, they are all that ever lived on the earth !

Our century, they've changed clothes, ofcourse. Dragons wear government costumes today and failure-suits and disaster-outfits. Societys demons screech, whirl down on us, should we lift our eyes from the ground, dare we turn right at corners we've been told to turn left. So crafty have appearances become that princesses and knights can be hidden from each other, can be hidden from themselves.

Yet, masters of reality still meet us in dreams to tell us that we've never lost the shield we need against dragons, that blue-fire voltage arcs through us now to change our world as we wish. Intuition whispers true : We're not dust, we're magic !!

For my Cinderella

Was going through one of my poems - written when I was in management college. This is from a time when I had just begun going out with the person who is now my wife. I subscribe to the old school of thought - that theres nothing as heady as falling in love. The initial getting-to-know each other, the long walks, the all-eyes-on-you & the fights..... and then the making up again. But so many years down the line, am so glad that the feeling is still as new..... As with wine, a few things improve with age.... "Love" is no longer about just the romantic thoughts of walking together into the sunset, hand in hand or moonlit dinners..... yes, those excalamation points are there and are needed.... but more importantly, "Love" to me is now a more "daily" kind of feeling.... growing together, doing even mundane house-hold chores together, sharing the remote, just listening sometimes. Its about respecting each others friends & relatives, getting up first in the morning & letting the maids in - so that she can sleep some more. Its laughter - especially in the middle of a fight. Its knowing each others idiosyncracies - and finding them amusing rather than irritating..... "Love" to me, since the days of writing this poem has moved from being an adjective, to being a verb.

Walking beside,
Along long winding paths,
Losing myself,
In your casual talks.

The endless fights,
The constant tease,
Is there some magic ?
Behind these veils ?

The feel of your hands,
As I take them in mine,
That look in your eyes,
That tone of your voice.

Yet, so very different,
So far apart,
Should I like a thing,
The opposite you would love.

But hey, look agan,
Do peer through those veils,
Can't you-see-the rainbow ?
Those star spangled fields ?

Make no mistake,
Be in no doubt,
For all that I say & all I might do,
You are so very special, so unique, so true !!

The Bandits !!

I've always had a major fascination for ants.....during summer breaks in school, I used to spend hours trailing the ant holes outside the house in our garden. God forgive my soul for the sins I have perpetrated on them - from cutting off their backsides, to spraying them with all kinds of liquids - wax to ink to the juices in orange peels....I gradually grew less violent with them, but to this day, I still love watching them - as they go about their busy, all important schedules. At another level - all of us are ants too, aren't we ?

A train of ants came walking down,
My window sill one day,
With a little fellow with prodding hands,
Leading up the way.

He stopped, he ran, in fits and starts,
And thus he carried on,
Until he arrived upon my shelf,
Where all of a sudden he paused.

He raised his head and glanced around,
And then he rushed ahead,
This time his destination,
Was some sugar and a slice of bread.

He spent some time, among his friends,
Thanking his lucky stars,
And then he seized a crumb double his size,
After a bitter brawl.

He walked around, showed off his loot,
Thus valiantly carried on,
Until among the crowd he slipped,
And I knew not where he was gone !!

A train of ants was walking back,
With my sugar and bread one day,
And perhaps, the little fellow with prodding hands,
Went back the same way !!

Searching For Me...

Perhaps the hardest thing about growing up - for me, was coming to peace with myself as a person. Which way do I lean ? Whats the best thing to do ? Whats the right thing to do ? Should I take all advise ? Or do I myself know best ? Should I follow my mind ? Or should I follow my heart ?...... By and large, a lot of these questions for me have answered themselves - what I know now is that there is no "one right path"..... there is no "5 easy steps to finding yourself"..... in retrospect, its always like the story about Honda and Buddhas eyebrows..... que sera sera.... what will be will be. This poem is a few years old..... the questions that I now ask have definitely changed, but the essential dilemma still poses itself many a times.... I guess this is what being human and growing is all about......

I'm too old to be a kid,
Too young to be a man.
Neither a prudish dude,
Nor a screaming punk.
I ain't the "traditional Indian guy",
Nor a "modern western clone".
I sometimes like the East,
And at times, the West, I love.
Sometimes an idealist,
Yet, no way, a moralist.
At times I am the obedient son,
And still sometimes a wild rebel.
A voice inside says, "Go along",
While another says, "Don't care a damn".
Who is me ?
Which am I ?
For Gods sake - Where do I stand ?

Rainbow

Love as the wise men say is a many hued experience...... figuratively, like a surfer riding the wild waves of a turbulent sea...... sometimes the heady highs, sometimes the frightful depressing lows, sometimes the joy of the cruise and sometimes the tumble.... but at the end of it all, never a surfer who would say....never again. For a long time, till I found my own island, I was a surfer too..... often in love, and more often... in love with love..... enjoying the ride, reaching out for the rainbow...... this was me again, in one of "those" romantic moods.......dream, dream, dream.....

For years now, I have been thinking of you - no, not always, but off and on - like pleasant dreams which one likes to recall - which bring traces of a smile to ones lips - a light headed feeling of suppressed joy.

Years roll on, but memories linger. Like the time we first met - and talked. It was I who blushed, wasn't it ? Well yet another incident to recall with a smile !

How soon we became friends ! College days - the fun, the studies, the heady spirit - indelible images printed in the mind for life. The innumerable times I would snatch a look at you - in class. The times when we would often be in a group - and yet I, would be so far away, alone with you. The days when I would look at you, and in silence let you know how much I love you. Days when I wished I could pour out my feelings for you - tell you how much I care - how much I wished to keep you happy always - to take your share of pain from you.

Time flies, doesn't it ?

The night sky appears beckoning. The beauty of a million stars and the silver moonlight spilling into the balcony, seems to wash us in a sea of love. There is not a question asked - not a word spoken. Just you and me and a sense of tranquility. just two little travellers going on and on in the journey of life, with no-one for support but us.

Yeah, the journey of life - past a few rusty towns, past a few hillocks and probably mountains too - but passing many a beautiful meadows, plains extending for miles and miles, a lot of beautiful gardens with bright sunshine and scaling many a summit of joy !

Where is our destination ? Where does the road lead ? - It hardly matters as long as you are with me.

Arriving through the flight of years, the two of us - working together, laughing together, growing together - knowing one another as well as any two persons ever could.

And then, the first few strand of white - yet, the mellowing of spirit, the maturing of thought - a glowing sense of satisfaction - a sense of accomplishment.

The train of thoughts chugs on and on.....

Yet, will you ever know ?
Will you ever understand ?
I wonder............

Thoughts Of Another Day....

My college just disappeared...... just read somewhere that R.E.C Durgapur has now become N.I.T Durgapur....... just does not have the same tone as "R.E College..... R.E.College" - as the conductors in those amazingly packed mini-buses would shout..... everytime I close my eyes to think of those days, a smile unfailingly breaks out in my face..... just pulled out a small mock-ad that I had done for our R.E.College in those days..... and its as if it was just yesterday again......

A college is not just another place to study in.
Its a temple to the human spirit.
A place that releases the best in you.

REGIONAL ENGINEERING COLLEGE, DURGAPUR

Like when you stroll through our sprawling
grounds - the Lords & the Oval
Like when you experience what freedom is
sitting at Jupes, Canteen or Samrat.
Like when you form friendships that
you know will last a lifetime
Like when you spend quite moments in our library
Or feel the sweat running down your face
as you work out in our gymnasium.

We can go on and on and on......
But well, some things are to be experienced
...................not just told or heard about !

R.E.C DURGAPUR
.......... not just a college, a temple
.......... not just an institution, an experience !!