My Theory of Spaces

Its a lazy Saturday morning today..... the maids have left, having done their jobs & wifey is not around - gone to Mumbai and only returning tomorrow.....

Its one of those rare "spaces" I get in my crowded life..... and I am feeling good :-)...... the cell phone has not rung since morning (if it has a life of its own, I am sure the poor guy looks forward to weekends too..... or perhaps if it has a paranoid personality, must be feeling ditched & neglected ?..... personally i think hes an over pampered guy - always hand carried, kept close to heart (in my shirt pocket)..... and never out of sight for the rest of the day)..... whenever it is that i retire (i hope by 40).... i make a promise to myself not to carry a cell around. Is that possible ?.... Dad says YES...:-)

Coming back to "spaces"..... back in college, the days i was wooing my wife - i still held onto my concept of needing my own space - until the day i got a sermon on what it means to being a couple from madam wife. I was not too convinced, but since there were bigger priorities at that time, i decided to lose that argument. Sometime back, I felt so vindicated when I was reading Kahlil Gibran who said :

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

I bookmarked it - and went back to my wife with it. Now, my wife & I - we are as different from each other as chalk and cheese. She went berserk laughing at the "winds of heaven" dancing between us - and the "moving sea" ...... the rest of that week, i had to hear out a lot about the different kinds of winds calling out to me. Bad idea. But good learning : When you are trying to convince someone, speak the language the person appreciates.

And then there was this other time when I got into one of my compulsive moods to change the layout of everything at home. After a few hours work - as we looked at the final product again, I said : "Now, thats so cool, I love these spaces".... slightly stressing on the last word. I got a patented "look" reserved for our maids during bad-behaviour time. And then I heard a sermon on how I had conned her into not buying anything for the house under the guise of minimalism. (For the record - I genuinely love minimalism). Thank God we were not in Jaipur that day I thought - else half our house would have had Rajasthani folk items hanging around everywhere - and perhaps even our sofa would have made way for a more ethnic (read RED, full of beads & glasses) pillows & bedding arrangement on the floor. Again, bad idea. Big mouth. But good learning : Don't try to be smart - around sensitive topics.

One of my traits - that has helped me in my professional life i think, is that I am tenacious. I don't give up so easily. So, it was one of those days when both of us were in a really really good mood, we were driving up to Almora - and I thought I should try again. But this time instead of tongue-in-cheek smartness or philosophy, I thought I will use logic. "You know the difference between India & Singapore ?" I asked rhetorically. "Too many people here". "Too much density". "Just look while we are driving - how nice it is to have so much of a gap between the vehicle in front". "You know - even in music, its the gaps, the silence between two strings - that makes the difference"....."Yep" she said - "Good progress" I thought. "Even in language - just imagine what would have happened if there were no commas or full stops"..... just then my experienced eye thought I caught the beginning or hint of a smile curving up her lips. "So", she said, "Should we turn off the music, so that we have some..... spaces ?"..... my early warning systems went off : the ruse had been detected. "If the enemy detects your advance - chances of winning low" says old chinese saying. I was far too experienced a husband to fall for this one. This time, bad luck. Topic change. But good learning : There are some arguments that you can never win. And there are some people you can never convince over a particular issue.

There is this anecdote about a Chinese Master that comes to mind. As he was walking up a path, there was a raging bull in his way. Everyone around thought he would use his mastery to tame the bull. The Master however walked around the bull - and went on. The point is, I think : Very often, its not really important to win an argument or get our point of view accepted.

Today I have my "space".... and I will enjoy it & live it when I have it. I will update my blogs, I will pamper myself at the saloon, I will get a Shiatsu done, I will go for a long walk in the evening. I will enjoy the silence.

Just a disclaimer - and something I have learnt from experience : Spaces are critical to have - but too much of spaces, makes a wall look bare, makes music into one of those foreign orchestras (where you are not sure when to begin clapping), makes a city look like Dubai (empty & desolate at times), makes for bad sentences - and makes relationships unbearably lonely.

Our Times

I try and not just put in forwards out here.... but once in a while, there comes a "forward" that makes me stop and think - and thats when I think, I need to put it up here and share it with all. This is an article attributed to George Carlin, a comedian in the 70s & 80s. I sent the same one to my wife - and she replied with 3 words : "Practice Practice Practice" :-)

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom,but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less....

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete

Remember : spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER : Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Coffee or Cup ?

I got the below article as a forward from a friend..... it is said that the biggest truths often come in the simplest forms..... like Einsteins E=mc2. Just read on..... and do ponder over it..... Keep It Simple Stupid, is a golden rule that unfailingly works.

"The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect."

A group of graduates, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the simple and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. Then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this:

Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. Enjoy your coffee!"

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

· Live simply
· Love generously
· Care deeply
· Speak kindly
· Leave the rest to God.

You are the miracle, my friend; your life either shines a light or casts a shadow!

Shine a light and enjoy the coffee.

Leap - and have faith

Life is full of choices. And ever so often, we land up at a decision fork..... and rarely, are the choices very obvious. I remember reading somewhere in MBA school about the concept of limited knowledge. A manager at any given point never has the universe of data to enable him to take the "perfectly right" decision. Thats pretty much true for everyone in life situations too. How then do we arrive on the "right decision" ?..... Just think about it - what is a "right decision" ? Like its said about the butterfly effect, a small change in starting conditions can result in wildly different endpoint conditions - but as humans, how should we know what the different end points could be ? I really don't think there can be a "right" decision. At a given point in time, using the mix of emotions, circumstances and all knowledge we have - we can only take our best shot. But having done that, there is only one way to make the decision - "right". And that is by passionately, obsessively and fanatically believing - that the path we have chosen is THE right path. Enough freedom fighters believing like this, bought us independence. A handful of scientists believing in this, put man on the moon. Ultimately, I think - every decision is really - a leap of faith, backed by an unquestioning mind.

What is it that really matters ?
To do interesting things or,
To do important things ?

Which path is it that is right ?
The one leading through the heart or,
The one lighted up by the mind ?

Whats the greater good to follow ?
Individual thought & wish or,
The collective wisdom of people around ?

Dare we turn left ?
Where we have been told to turn right ?
Or should we continue straight ahead instead ?

This or That ?
Which road to take ?
It really doesn't matter, I think,
Beyond the point of the fork in the road.

To take any of the roads - and then move on,
To believe, to be obsessed and lost to the world,
To back the faith with toil and love,
And to see just one road beyond the fork.

That I believe is the right way to go.

Whats a miracle afterall ?

The little boy,
Wearing silver sunlight,
Soon realises the time is past.

How long do you clasp onto a beautiful dream ?
When its tearing away at you, all the time.
How do you undo whats already done ?
How do you turn the clock, back in time ?

Are there really miracles ?
Or are they just mirages turned inside out ?
Every dream - just a cotton cloud,
Ours to own, till the expiry date ?

What do you do,
When a dream turns sour ?
What do you do,
When what you take for a miracle,
Turns out to be a mirage afterall ?

Lost in thoughts

Vast spaces in my mind,
Where I walk around from time to time.
At times meeting friends, at times old thoughts,
So old at times that they are a part of me,
Just the fleeting second of recognition, deja vu
And then gone again - lost in the spaces
Are we static - with moving thoughts ?
Or are we moving on - in a world of static thoughts ?

Its a world of imprints I think,
Every thought, sight and smell,
Maybe inconsequential, important or in passing,
But imprinted for life - all the same.
In some vast mindpsace - another world ?
Waiting to be revisited, relived and passed again.
Ours is to choose the worlds we live in,
And ours is to choose the world we create for us.

The Age Of Miracles - Its Not Past

My younger sis - Poorni - finally got engaged last month. I say finally, because by traditional Indian standards - at 28, she is considered "late" for marriage. But who is to say what late is - to each his own and I really respect her for the clear headed thinking she had - that she would get married ONLY to a certain kind of guy, and if a guy did not match her standards - too bad for him. THE ONLY reason we in the family where getting a bit jittery was due to the unique combination needed to pass her "qualification criteria". The guy needed to be into trekking (that rules out 95% of all males in India), also needed to be into music (thats another 3% ruled out), also needed to be a software engineer (there goes another 1%) and then ofcourse - needed to be smart, sauve, level-headed, caring .... which perhaps left 0.0001% of the guys in the reckoning. The challenge for us was to find that guy !!!

I am a sucker for miracles - and this for me is nothing short of one. I am still to come to terms with the fact that she did manage to find someone matching every one of these criteria !!!

Got me thinking - that miracles, magic. love - they still happen & will continue to too. Thats perhaps what keeps the world going. In a world where people are perhaps getting increasingly cynical - to look at a young couple just going to get into holy matrimony, is looking at hope in this world. Poorni - I believe - is on the phone to the US with Amar - for hours at a stretch now-a-days. Am so happy for her. Its the hope & belief of two people - who think that their marriage will be the best one yet. That they together will find a world beyond the rainbows - thats full of magic, marigold, fun and warmth. I do hope they find that world.... but along the way, I do hope they also learn that much of that magic is created by them - and that they need to work on it everyday, so that the magic dust never ever settles down.

Reminds me of a beautiful piece of writing that Richard Bach had written.....

We think, sometimes, theres not a dragon left. Not one brave knight, not a single princess gliding through secret forests, enchanting deer and butterflies with her smile.

We think sometimes, that ours is an age past frontiers, past adventures. Destiny, its way over the horizon; glowing shadows galloped past long ago and gone.

What a pleasure to be wrong. Princesses, knights, enchantments and dragons, mystery and adventure....not only are they here and now, they are all that ever lived on the earth !

Our century, they've changed clothes, ofcourse. Dragons wear government costumes today and failure-suits and disaster-outfits. Societys demons screech, whirl down on us, should we lift our eyes from the ground, dare we turn right at corners we've been told to turn left. So crafty have appearances become that princesses and knights can be hidden from each other, can be hidden from themselves.

Yet, masters of reality still meet us in dreams to tell us that we've never lost the shield we need against dragons, that blue-fire voltage arcs through us now to change our world as we wish. Intuition whispers true : We're not dust, we're magic !!

For my Cinderella

Was going through one of my poems - written when I was in management college. This is from a time when I had just begun going out with the person who is now my wife. I subscribe to the old school of thought - that theres nothing as heady as falling in love. The initial getting-to-know each other, the long walks, the all-eyes-on-you & the fights..... and then the making up again. But so many years down the line, am so glad that the feeling is still as new..... As with wine, a few things improve with age.... "Love" is no longer about just the romantic thoughts of walking together into the sunset, hand in hand or moonlit dinners..... yes, those excalamation points are there and are needed.... but more importantly, "Love" to me is now a more "daily" kind of feeling.... growing together, doing even mundane house-hold chores together, sharing the remote, just listening sometimes. Its about respecting each others friends & relatives, getting up first in the morning & letting the maids in - so that she can sleep some more. Its laughter - especially in the middle of a fight. Its knowing each others idiosyncracies - and finding them amusing rather than irritating..... "Love" to me, since the days of writing this poem has moved from being an adjective, to being a verb.

Walking beside,
Along long winding paths,
Losing myself,
In your casual talks.

The endless fights,
The constant tease,
Is there some magic ?
Behind these veils ?

The feel of your hands,
As I take them in mine,
That look in your eyes,
That tone of your voice.

Yet, so very different,
So far apart,
Should I like a thing,
The opposite you would love.

But hey, look agan,
Do peer through those veils,
Can't you-see-the rainbow ?
Those star spangled fields ?

Make no mistake,
Be in no doubt,
For all that I say & all I might do,
You are so very special, so unique, so true !!

The Bandits !!

I've always had a major fascination for ants.....during summer breaks in school, I used to spend hours trailing the ant holes outside the house in our garden. God forgive my soul for the sins I have perpetrated on them - from cutting off their backsides, to spraying them with all kinds of liquids - wax to ink to the juices in orange peels....I gradually grew less violent with them, but to this day, I still love watching them - as they go about their busy, all important schedules. At another level - all of us are ants too, aren't we ?

A train of ants came walking down,
My window sill one day,
With a little fellow with prodding hands,
Leading up the way.

He stopped, he ran, in fits and starts,
And thus he carried on,
Until he arrived upon my shelf,
Where all of a sudden he paused.

He raised his head and glanced around,
And then he rushed ahead,
This time his destination,
Was some sugar and a slice of bread.

He spent some time, among his friends,
Thanking his lucky stars,
And then he seized a crumb double his size,
After a bitter brawl.

He walked around, showed off his loot,
Thus valiantly carried on,
Until among the crowd he slipped,
And I knew not where he was gone !!

A train of ants was walking back,
With my sugar and bread one day,
And perhaps, the little fellow with prodding hands,
Went back the same way !!