Just for the butterflies !!

For years now - I have been in the adrenalin pumping rush of an industry - which is like being on an ever speeding treadmill. Michael Dell made the famous statement about the IT hardware industry which is so true - that you have a nano-second to celebrate your achievements here - before you move on, to the next month - to the next quarter. Its an addictive industry if you love technology which changes at the pace of Moores law. What is cutting edge - becomes dated within a quarter, and EoL (end of life) in approximately 6 months time. One of the best descriptions I have heard for this industry though, came from one of my ex-bosses, who said : "We are actually in the business of selling fish". There are just about two key suppliers here (Intel & Microsoft) who control the prices, hence bag most of the margins in the industry. For the rest of the vendors, its a business where throughput is key. Your "fish" needs to sell fast - sometimes at "whatever" price. Else, it begins to stink. What this means is every vendor is forever on his toes. This is the charm of the IT hardware industry - constant learning, the allure of new technologies, speed & the thrill of having the proverbial Damocles sword hanging at all times. The challenge is : quarter on quarter - can you deliver relentlessly on revenue, margins and marketshares ?..... if you can, you are king - if you cannot, shrug and try again - the nano-second has passed - you are in the next quarter already !!

Many close friends - genuinely worried that I may be making a mistake - have been asking me : why then have I chosen to leave this heady rush ? .... especially when I am known to be a confirmed addict ? The truest answer is that : Everyone hears and moves to a different drummer. I have always had this voice inside, telling me to stake out on my own - be my own boss - and move in more creative directions. For long now - I have hushed that whisper - but one learns, through experience that the voice we hear - the hunches - the gut feel - is Life nudging us in directions, where hidden paths open where we thought none existed. When we do the same thing for years - we reach a level of competence (or incompetence) where we become smug about our capabilities, where we are at peace with ourselves - where we lose the butterflies in our stomachs !! Thats when, if we hear close enough - one can hear Life telling - move on sonny, get the garden back !!

The most beautiful things - the events that taught me the most, the incidents that have benefitted me the most, have always happened when the butterflies have been flitting around in amusement in my stomach. To think back in time :
1) The first time I tried speaking on stage
2) The time when I took my first car from the showroom, without knowing to drive perfectly
3) The first time I had gingerly said "I love you" to a girl
4) The one time I asked "Will you marry me ?" to a girl (this was a mega butterfly party !!)
5) The time when I stood for President of the Literary club in college
6) The numerous occasions when I had to do "cold calls" in my first sales job
7) Taking up the job of defining and starting from scratch : "Client virtualization"

I guess there are many more.... but the point really is : Its important to be slightly insecure & off-kilter in life. Its important to move out of our defined comfort zones and challenge ourselves. But most importantly, its important to stop and hear what Life is nudging us towards.

Paulo Coelho, the philosopher writer says in his book, "The Pilgrimage" :
1) The first indication that we are killing our dreams is lack of time.
2) The second indication of the death of our dreams is certainty.
3) The third indication that our dreams are dead is peace. Life becomes one long Sunday afternoon if we do not ask great things of ourselves and do not demand more of ourselves than we can give. We are, in short, refusing to fight for our dreams.

The story for me does not stop here. Infact it just begins. What I have learnt in the short time since I have put in my papers and conclusively in my mind decided to move on in a certain direction is that, life moves magically to help you. A whole new world, with different people and different vistas has opened up. In the last one month I have suddenly chanced upon so many interestng people, doing so many - different - interesting things. I have also suddenly discovered so many people whom I have known for long - doing very different pursuits on the side. Its almost like Life encouraging me again : "Move on sonny - there are many more like you - pursuing off-beat tracks".

I conclude with a beautiful passage from Richard Bachs book, "The bridge across Forever" - it goes like this : "Whatever enchants also guides and protects. Passionately obsessed by anything we love - sailboats, airplanes, ideas - an avalanche of magic flattens the way ahead, levels rules, reasons, dissents, bears us with it over chasms, fears, doubts. Without the power of that love, we're boats becalmed on seas of boredom, and those, are deadly".

We have one life to live - why not live it, with the butterflies always ?