Animal Talk

All animals talk.....if only we could understand !! Every morning as I step out of my house - I hear dogs barking nearby, birds crying out in the distance, an occasional cat who purrs by as he quickly rushes on and sometimes the plaintive long bellow of a cow or buffalo on the roads. So much of converstaion all around, it really is a talkative world !!


For those of us who call Bangalore home though, no animal sound can be more familiar than the soporific, persistent droning of mosquitoes - who despite all our clumsy swishes and swats, refuse to be discouraged.

A number of times - lying alone in my bed, I have wondered how it would be if only we could understand these animals talk....if only mankind could break through this last existing language barrier !! I've always suspected - that these mosquitoes in particular are not so dumb, helpless and pre-historic as they make themselves out to be. Anyone whos experienced the worst of Bangalore mosquitoes - like me, will tell you - the attack sometimes seems so beautifully co-ordinated and executed....something like the bombing sorties that the airforce folks carry out.

Fast forward to an era where mankind has finally broken this last existing barrier....heres how a report on one such mosquito sortie would sound.....

"The lights went out and the mosquitoes took off, each of them from a seperate base - but soon, they re-grouped, circling the room in concentric circles with gradual descent - splendid, perfect co-ordination !

Machhar-1 had already identified one target, a fat plump boy sleeping on the bed near the window. As Machhar-1 swept down the room, he spotted a second, a swarthy man with an aquiline nose and a short greying beard, lying alongside the door at the western end of the room. He switched on his R/T (receiver-transmitter) ....'Zero one to Pygmalion. We'll attack on a reciprocal course. Follow me at 12 seconds interval. Good luck'. The reconnaissance was over. The attack was on !!

Machhar-1 went into a steep climb and began to turn. Led by Machhar-2, the string of mosquitoes followed and began to orbit over the western approaches of the room. Machhar-1 steadied. The metallic voice of the automatic navigator sounded in its ear phones, 'ok captain... ready when you are'.

Below the panic signals had gone off. There was frantic movement everywhere. People were reaching for their blankets and tugging them on.

Banking steeply, Machhar-1 went into a shallow dive. the target was rising like a grotesque giant as the diving mosquito swept towards it to a pre-determined landing site. By this time the electronic mosquito repeller had already started firing. Machhar-1 swung off course. The RASS (Rapid randon site scanner) had already identified another landing site..... more firing..... automatic Pavlovian reflexes landing almost dead on target. Machhar-1 could feel the sweat running down its face as it listened to the navigators instructions, 'Right skipper, right..... hold it there'. the mosquito made a clean landing - siphon pumps almost immediately drawing out.

'Smooth landing captain.....siphon pumps operating......full throttle..... intake 1 microlitre per second..... early warning systems on full alert.......radar scanners in operation.....' it was the navigator again.

The mosquito was bracketed in several swishes and swats for seemingly endless seconds. then once again, the navigator yelled, 'capacity reached. Siphon pumps being withdrawn..... early warning sounded.... anti-mosquito missile detected on radar screen..... dead on target.... angular velocity 15 cms/ second..... coming in from 58 N 36 S....... drift captain drift' Machhar-1 went on a lateral shift, cleverly out of range of the incoming swat missile and then reared up like a frightened horse as the reflex slammed home, right on their landing site. Bathed in sweat, machhar-1 switched on the R/T again...'Zero one to Pygmalion....in you go'.....the attack continued."

A pretty interesting plausible scenario - isn't it ? ..... On the lighter side heres a teaser I heard : "What did one male elephant tell another as a female (elephant) passed by ?"
ANS : "Wow !! thats a perfect 350-365-365" !!

So the next time you hear an animal talk ..... listen closely, jokes - laughs and conversations are indeed everywhere !!!